The Third Option

 

I can feel the fan slip back and fourth across my room as the cold air blows across my body. My toes are freezing but I can't be bothered to turn it off. My sight of the light grey ceiling folds into the darkness of my eyelids as they slowly close off the moonlight coming in from outside my window. It doesn't take long to see the setting sun from the west living room window with your face illuminated and looking at me like you used to. The feeling of your hands on my body doesn't last long anymore. They seem to slip away just as quickly as the memory does. 

For a moment I can't tell if I've fallen asleep yet, but I realize if I'm still wondering about it, I'm most likely not. I wish I could be. I wish I could be asleep or take it all back. One of the two. No, three. 

There is a third option. Number three is what I was wishing for just seconds ago. For you to be back where you belong, right here with me. But I know it's a fleeting daydream that won't last. So I ride it out into sleep knowing that when I wake up, I won't think of it anymore. I'll be too busy to let my mind wander this far. 

There will be friends and family to get ready, I still need to finish writing his letter, have my hair and make up done, make sure everything is perfectly laid out, be waiting on time, walk to the beat, and meet him there without tripping over my veil. 
I never imagined it would be this stressful. I mean hello, these types of occasions are supposed to be happy and easygoing. Unless you were the one to plan it all I suppose. Then it's not so easygoing and fun anymore. 

When I woke the next morning I didn't think about it. I didn't think about it through the entire ceremony either. Not at dinner, not while we walked through the rice pouring down on us like rain, not even on the plane there. But as he laid me down on the bed it all came flooding back. Nothing would ever compare to your love. 

I knew that though.


Chantell  
  xoxo